Questioning, a much under used tool

Leaders are supposed to have the answers.  Some feel admitting they don't have all the answers is a sign of weakness.  "Leading with Questions" is aimed at business situations, but contains much advice that would benefit personal relations. 

We all asked a lot of questions as children.  Something happened to many of us as we grew up.  Authority figures such as parents, teachers, bosses mostly told us what to do and we went along.   

Stephen Covey in his famous book made his fifth habit of Highly Effective People: "Seek first to understand and then to be understood". Questioning is a tool to help understand situations and people.

Questioning needs to induce co-operation.  When a problem is encountered it is important to understand first, before jumping to conclusions or blaming anyone.  Make it a conversation not an interrogation.

Trust and openness are required.  Questions can be one way of building trust.  Employees have become used to doing what they are told unquestionably, but would sometimes like to be asked their opinion.

Timing can be critical.  A good ice breaking question might be "Is this a good time to talk?"  Avoid busy or stressful times.  Some people might feel uncomfortable answering questions with other people present.

"Yes or no questions are sometimes necessary, but open ended questions allow a wider range of possibilities.  Every great invention started from a question.

 From Peter Drucker we learn it is important "to hear what isn't being said" and "the most common mistake in solving problems was the emphasis leaders put on finding the right answer rather than the right question".

 While you are trying to understand others you should also question yourself.  Are you sure?

One last quote, this one from Nguib Mahfouz, a Nobel Prize winning author: "You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers.  However you can tell whether a man is wise by his questions".

 There are other good books on questioning.  This one has good advice on how to make more effective questions in a wide variety of circumstances and examples of questions, some of which might help you to open a few doors.

For the "to be understood" part check this out http://www.therealjohndavidson.com/2011/06/tell-to-win-offers-winning-formula.htm